


Thank Gods They Didn't Pity Him, He Had Been so Scared

by Marta_Ayanami



Series: The Four Loves [6]
Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: Gen, I just don't truly know Hideyoshi's, Mitsun-muse I can't write Hideyoshi so why always try to make me????, because I do know Mitsun!Hideyoshi's personality, because I have the same problem with him to a lesser extend, it was gonna be a drabble but it didn't want to be so yeah, just a character study or something, my writing Hideyoshi method: let's put him offscreen or entirely through Mitsun's eyes, obligatory NGE 25-26 ref in these tags above I guess ;), there isn't really any plot in this ficlet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8470654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marta_Ayanami/pseuds/Marta_Ayanami
Summary: He'd follow them to any hells or heavens or the ends of this world, or any other.But he had been scared they'd pity him, or something of the like, and that's why... even his Shadow suspected that may be the case and taunted him with the possibility. After all, when he was small, it was only because of pity that his dear Shadow first became a friend! And that friendship terminated when Sakichi learned that hard truth. Fortunately, blessedly, in the case of the Lords, there was no pity. And then, in the case of the first friend since Shadow (who had his own one, too, Shadow that is) there was also, blessedly, no pity.Which meant what was there, was real and true. Thank heavens, or hells, whoever cared to be thanked for it or take probably undeserved credit, because heavens and hells didn't truly do much, here, did they?And then, Ieyasu Tokugawa. With that, it was hard to tell. Well, so what if Ieyasu sometimes pitied him? He had no need of Ieyasu. No need. Fortunately, he's already tuned the Shadow out, so, just to reinstate: no need.





	

**Chapter 1**

**He Could Barely Feel Grateful this Whole Week after the Having Been Saved// Now I can Pray with my Heart Unburdened  
**

 

The small boy, suddenly more teffiried than during the times when people were trying to exorcise him or to murder him, screamed very loudly in his own mind. So loudly that if any monk or priestess was here, he'd hear it, even though no sound was made outside.

Unless the monk or priestess was very bad at his job.

But if they were particularly amazing at their job, he may even think he saw a shade of something violet, shaped like a scream, deep inside a small, helpless boy.

~~_**That couldn't be the sole reason!** _ ~~

~~_**I guess even a Darkness can take pity on someone so miserable. I planned to never talk to you, your whole life, but what with all those villagers calling you names and trying to kill you : I said to myself, heh, ha ha, why not. It's not like he's not gonna die young. I'll talk to this miserable thing I got stuck in because your mom was my 'mom's' brat, why not.** _ ~~

Sakichi shuddered, as if all the warmth had suddenly been lost. That's why? That was the sole reason?? So... the Shadow, his beloved Shadow, his only friend, never truly cared at him at all, wasn't that so?

Because pity was... pity was when old ladies fed some stray cat, and never cared if someone would maybe hang the cat two months later. Pity was when somebody cried but then smiled five minutes later, so the tears weren't really real at all.

Pity was.....

A sin.

He's decided that half a year ago.

He wished some monk or priest would confirm, but even if no would, he's still decided for himself.

Pity was a sin that he planned to never commit.

Especially now that his dear Shadow commited such a hideous sin. It was... like being abandoned.

 

~~_**_____________________** _ ~~

~~_**But why have they saved me? I still haven't asked.** _ ~~

~~_**Bah, maybe they want to train the warrior that you I guess could someday be, brat, though I doubt you'd live long enough. Bueahah ha ha! Though maybe now you will, you're quite cozy here. Or maybe they took pi** _ ~~

 

 ~~~~As if hit with lightning, the boy went numb in his heart for a moment, tuning out the rest of his Shadow's reply. But unfortunately, he already understood the implication, before it was fully said.

_That maybe, just maybe... the Lord Hideyoshi and Lord Hanbei took pity on me._

_No!!_

The boy shook his head, bursting into tears. Suddenly, through the tears, he's noticed Lord Hideyoshi, coming closer, and he shuddered. No, no, he couldn't be seen in such a state, not by the Lord, not now, he didn't want to leave, he didn't want to be thrown a way, he's lasted three days without crying, he couldn't... he couldn't...

But or course if he was being so weak then nobody would have any need of him, unless the Shadow was right, and that would be....  which option would be worse?? He didn't even know!

Sakichi didn't even know and didn't want to know! What if... what if the Lord was to say something kind now? What then?? If it was Lord Hanbei, then maybe Sakichi could still delude himself, but if it was the Lord Hideyoshi, if he was to say something kind to Sakichi when Sakichi was in such a state, then... then.... his Shadow would have been right!!

Sakichi wondered if he could manage, right now, to just kill himself before any of the two could happen. And he hasn't realised that he's muttered something aloud now, and hearing it too late, realising it too late... he now looked at the Lord with more fear than he's ever felt in his life.

Because either way, he was going to be rejected by the Lord, wasn't he? In one way or the other. He just knew that. Oh, why couldn't he just stop breathing before it happened?! Stupid lungs, not listening to his own demands at all!!

He wasn't sure, in his stress, what exactly he's muttered aloud, but it was something similar to _and if I die_ or something of the kind.

He didn't want to hear the answer. Still, he couldn't help hearing it, because to not listen to the Lord Hideyoshi's words would be an even greater sin, it's only been a week since that fateful first meeting, but he at least felt and understood that much.

"That would be disappointing, as you seem to have some potential. But it could happen. Many people die in current times."

"Po...tential??? Me?"

"I wouldn't have been certain, but Hanbei confirmed that much. You do have potential to become a soldier of the Toyotomi. That's why you're here."

"Sole... reason?"

Sakichi now wanted to jump for joy and then run for joy and barely managed to restrain himself, his eyes and voice now full of palpable hope.

"Indeed. Your village was foolish not to see that you may become a strong samurai someday."

"Uhm... my father is. A strong samurai. And my brother. Not me."

"Are you disagreeing?"

"N-no....!! no, no, no, Sakichi's not disagreeing, no, no! Sakichi will have, will try, to be a good soldier. So, please....!!"

When did he kneel?

_~~**Five seconds ago.** ~~ _

~~~~Restraining the irritated look, because how would the Lord know that it's directed inwardly, not outwardly... Sakichi bowed.

"Mhm. Do so."

_____________

Joy.

He's heard of this feeling.

Yes, Sakichi's heard of this feeling, but it was such a fairytale, he's never truly believed in it. Sometimes people smiled, but maybe they were lying, or just trying to be brave?

But no. Joy existed. Sakichi was feeling it right now. Because the Lord neither condemned him nor pitied him, two things that would have shattered Sakichi completely... the Lord Hideyoshi didn't do them to him.

And that's why... the Shadow was wrong! And Sakichi was wrong! And he's never felt happier about having been so wrong in his judgement. No, he'd never trust his own judgement again. The judgement of the Lord Hideyoshi and the Lord Hanbei was all he ever needed, wasn't it?

And he'd never pity anyone, even enemies, because even lowest scum didn't deserve to be pitied, he wasn't _that cruel,_ unlike his dear Shadow, Sakichi just wasn't. No. Loathing will do, for enemies, if they deserve. Pity... that'd be too much, no, why would he want to hurt anybody _that_ much? Torture was slightly disgusting, if too prolonged, after all, and pity was such a prolonged kind of torture, Sakichi thought.

~~**_If I didn't watch your whole life, I'd never get half the words you spew in your mind, brat, ha ha._ ** ~~

~~**_What?_ ** ~~

~~**_I meant to say: translation for morons: you're funny!_ ** ~~

~~**_Does that mean you no longer pity me?_ ** ~~

~~**_Let's say so?_ ** ~~

And then, for the first time in his life, Sakichi tried to cuddle his own shadow, hoping he'd maybe get to cuddle his own Shadow through it.

It didn't work out too well, instead he only fell to the ground with a very silent 'ouch'. But he still felt wonderful nevertheless. For the first second time now.

~~**_Funny and tactile, as always, my brat. I don't get your touchy thing. I mean, peeps rarely touch you, why'd you be sooooooo touch obsessed when you barely know touch??? It's like you're some of those light junkies that are among my own kind. Eh, humans._ ** ~~

Sakichi's decided to someday, when he was sure whether that wouldn't be offensive, he'd ask the mighty Lord Hanbei what did 'junkie' mean. Coz he wouldn't give his Shadow the satisfaction of asking Shadow, nuh-uh.


End file.
